Monday, September 18, 2006
5:12 AM
ã ã
Its weird how people changed so fast. One moment she can be nice, but the other, she is as mean as a monster. This year definitely been the worst year after all. I've gone thru alot of changes, problems, be it family, myself, friends, studies and more.
I feel terribly upset by this one friend of mine. I treated her like my close friend. But I guess sooner or later, this would happen. I've been feeling confused about my friendship with her. I felt that we are drifting apart. And she doesnt understand me. She keep hurting me. I've cried not once but a few times because her. I do not dare to tell her because I'm afraid she would not understand and might get the wrong idea. I really like her as my friend. I really enjoy being with her. I'm not obsess with her but she's my friend. A friend whom I really would cherish after going thru ups and downs together. And now, not only i can tell but a few other friends could tell too. Its so obvious how she treated me. I feel alone. I feel I've got no one to turn to. I'm scared. I don't want to get hurt again ever by any of my "friends". Why? She too exprienced backstabbing by her friends.But now, she herself is doing something like that to me. Why must she hurt me? I do not want to sit where I'm sitting right now. Facing both of them right infront of me just make matters worse. This time, I really can't smile and play along. I'm tired of her and how she treated me. I'm tried of pretending nothing happened.
Am I really a bad person? What have I done to have all this "sufferings"? Or maybe this is a test from God. But what if I can't stand it any longer? What if I have those thoughts? What if I break down? I don't want all this thngs. I don't want to suffer. I want to be happy but those people around me keep on hurting me! She said she will never leave me alone. She is such a big fat liar. I can't stand with her any longer.
If this is what she wants, what more can I do or say? There's no point talking to her. She will never understands. All she know is that she is happy and she have someone to share with her craps. Even though I have no other close friends, I rather be alone then sticking with someone who acts like she cares for me. Its all bullshark.
I want to find a new friend. Like what I told Aaliyah..
I want a friend whom I can trust and have no worries that she will betray me one day.
I want a friend whom I can talk with.
I want a friend to keep me accompany in school.
I want a friend whom I can share my ups and downs with.
I want a friend who understands the real me.
I want a friend who is truthful to me and never lie.
I want a friend who is different from any other friends.
But where can I find such friend now? Everyone starts to be selfish and mind for their own happiness.
I'm afraid about what is going to happen tomorrow. I don't to be sad in school. I need someone. I need a FRIEND.
PS:TO THAT GIRL, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE TO ME. BE IT HAPPY OR SAD.